Monday, June 22, 2009


That is how balancing my life in Kentucky with my family in Nebraska has been for me lately. A struggle. Really all the things that have been bothering me most are out of my control. (As most things are!) But anyone that knows me understands that I am a control freak and sometimes it can get the best of me! I have been hurting for two members of my family, that are going through rough patches in life at the moment. One cousin is dealing with a hard break up after a long relationship and another is dealing with losing a friend due to a tragic car accident. Both these things have seemed to just really weigh my spirit down the past two weeks. I need to find a way to bring the sunshine back into my life.

I am letting the guilt of not being in Nebraska to help them through this hang over me. I am sure they understand that I am here and this is where my life is for the moment. But that doesn't seem to comfort me. For the past few days I have been beating myself up over it. I need to quit. I am hoping that putting a few things in words will help me release it from my heart.

I need to re-focus. I have let worry creep into the places where prayer needs to be. Don't get me wrong, I have surely been praying, but not as often as I should or I can guarantee things would not have gotten this sorrowful for me. I just want to take both these girls pain away. Bear it myself so that they won't have too. I feel like being far away from home I can't do that. But I know all these things that are causing this pain are in God's plan. He is in control and when my cousins come out on the other side of these hardships they will be better stronger people. I have faced many hardships in my life, watching physical and emotional violence as a child, being placed in foster care, my mom dying when I was ten, surviving years of sexual abuse, alcholism and drug use of my parents. As horrible as all those things were, had I experienced even one minute less of any of, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I have faced many struggles and overcame them as best as I could. I hope and pray that these girls will do the same. It is not always easy to see at the time, but God's plan is always there. I just want them to trust in him and not lose sight that the Lord will lead them in the right direction.

My facebook status reads tonight "Where there is no struggle, there is no strength." A quote from Oprah. I have true faith in that. Jamie and Megan's struggles right now will turn into strength in the long run. Maybe when they least expect it. For now all I can do is let them know I love them no matter where in the world I am. Hopefully our bond is strong enough for them to feel my hugs and love even several states away.


terri d said...

Hey Girl
Sorry you are so down. I know how hard it is for you. Things always happen for a reason and God always takes care of those who trust in him! Take care yourself and just be there for the girls that will mean more to them than being in Nebraska but I feel your pain !!!!

Hugs Terri

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