Wednesday, August 20, 2008

HOMESICK!

I realized today that this January will mark ten years in Kentucky for me. Wow! I don't even feel like I have been graduated from high school that long. Although I do have the photos from my ten year reunion to remind me that it is true. :) But even with all the time that has passed since I left Nebraska I still get homesick. Some days are worse than others. Most of the time I am fine. There is just always a little sadness in the back of my mind.

People I meet in Scottsville are always amazed that I don't have any family here close by in Kentucky. I guess they are surprised that I am super close with my family even though we don't live in the same state. People around here leave, but most come back so it is out of the ordinary for me to be here from the "outside"! Scottsville is a small town with so many similarities to Louisville where I grew up, so you would think I would be used to it by now, but it will never be my "home".

As wonderful as it is to watch my kids grow up, I feel upset that they are missing out on a whole other great family back in NE. Sure we visit about twice a year for vacation but it just isn't the same as being there and knowing what is going on in their day to day life. It is even harder this year because of the timing of the twins being born I will have to go a whole year without seeing my flat-as-a-pancake beloved cornhusker state! It is bitter sweet for me to watch my kids do new things and not be able to have my own family witness it. I feel sad that as I experience life I am not closer to more of the people that I love and that love me!

I love Jordan and his family to pieces and I wouldn't trade them for anything. It is just different. No one is ever the same as people that have known ya since you were born. The ones who know all the stupid mistakes you made. The people who got to see you with braces ,glasses and a really bad haircut! (In my case all at the same time!) And don't hesitate to remind you that they have the photos for blackmail purposes! And trust me I don't need those gettin' out!

When I was graduating high school I remember the restlessness, the overwhelming urge to just get out and leave it all behind. I felt suffocated by my family. There was a wall up around me which brought distance between us. I went several years without even talking to certain aunts and uncles who I now can't imagine being out of my life. I guess that was God's way of sending me down the path to meet my wonderful husband and bring these three great kids into the world. I guess along the way I grew up. I came to realize how truly important family is. You can't make it out there alone. I am so thankful to my family for allowing me that space, that time to breathe, to grow and mature. It was lonely a lot of times and there were days that I didn't think I would ever miss them. But they loved me through it all! There were so many times that I could have just packed it up and went back to Ne. But the Lord kept me here for a reason and I imagine that me still being here ten years later will all make sense one day. So for now I will just take this homesickness a day at a time......and start counting the days until Christmas! :)

Well enough blabbering on. I am have boo-hoo'd long enough over this today! I will now list five good things about my day to show that my life isn't as stinky as I feel like it is.....so here we go in no particular order....

1. I am proud that I finally decided on Kyndall's birthday party theme. And ordered the stuff online! Which is good since her b-day is in less than 1 month!

2. I am grateful to have such a sweet wonderful little almost two year old in my life! She is a hoot!

3. Listening to Kyndall name off her zoo puzzle animals was hilarious! And I am still amazed that the girl can say Osterich plain as day. I wonder if Harvard will go ahead and admit her today?

4. Snuggling with babies is the best feeling ever. And today I actually got equal snuggle time with the twins! Not easily accomplished....but sooooo worth it!

5. I think I might make it to bed before 1 a.m. tonight! Which is great and means a more rested me tomorrow to face the day!

hugs to all near and far!

2 comments:

~~tonya~~ said...

I think we all need to reminence and remember the past in order to be a better person in the future. Sounds like you appreciate and value everything you have accomplished. Your children are very beautiful BTW!!

The Empty Envelope said...

Aww!!! I moved from PA to MN 10 years ago the end of this month. But my family ended up moving out here (just 3 of them!) I still miss back East though. *hugs*

Your children are gorgeous!